Find your own place in the rainbow
January 4, 2007: 1 year and a bit
I've had to buy some new trainers as the other ones were hurting my toes and I realised after a while that they were too small. My new trainers are UK size 6. Yes, I've finally grown into big boy's sizes after being a size 4½ for as long as I can remember.
February 13, 2007: 1 year, 2 months
I've been on T for over a year, it's been nearly a year since I had my top surgery and yet I still don't pass.
I went into town this morning with my sister and several times, we got 'hello ladies' and 'hello girls'. It was really annoying and frustrating. I've always had problems passing though, right from the start. It's not so easy to tell here though, it's not like people in shops use 'sir' or 'ma'am' like they do in the US, but whenever there was any reason to refer to me, it was always as female. I would have thought after this length of time on T if nothing else, I would be taken for male. I've never even been taken for a young boy, which seems to be something that a lot of FtMs get, especially early on. It's so disheartening and like a rude awakening every time it happens. I still can't believe I'm having to deal with it.
June 24, 2007: 1 year, 6 months
I have sideburns! Or, more accurately, shadows of sideburns. I was curious to see if I could manage to grow any at all, so I thought I'd give it a go. They've been growing for about a week now and I'm not entirely sure how good they look. Sometimes I think they look a bit scruffy because they've only just started and haven't filled in so much yet. I think that's about as far as I want to go yet facial hair wise. It's growing in fairly quickly I think, much to my dismay. I used to wonder what I'd look like with a little goatee or something, but now I've rather changed my mind on that. I hate seeing stubble on my face, I think it looks dreadful. It's taking a lot of getting used to.
June 25, 2007: Two week schedule
I had my first shot this morning on the new schedule of 250mg every two weeks. Let's see how that works out.
July 5, 2007: 1 year, 7 months
Insert rant in here about painful cramps and breakthrough bleeding.
Make mention of the fact that I've been on T for nearly 18 months. Add that my shots are now every fortnight.
End with sigh or other noise of disappointment.
Repeat every two months.
August 20, 2007: T Levels
It was shot day today so after work I went to the doctor's surgery for my appointment with the nurse. I'd had blood taken last week and the week before to check my T levels so I asked the nurse if she had my results which she did. This is the third time I've had my levels checked and the last time was almost a year ago. For comparison, these are the previous results:
March 2006, on 250mg every 4 weeks: trough level - 6.8 and peak level - 23 July 2006, on 250mg every 3 weeks: trough level - 11.3 and peak level - 35 August 2007, on 250mg every 2 weeks: trough level - 16.8 and peak level - 29.4 (I have no idea what measurements the scale is in, all I know is that the normal male level goes from 10 to 35)
I'm quite surprised that my peak level has dropped so much, I expected it to go higher. I presume my trough level has been raised due to the T from the last shot still being in my system. It is looking better, not such a great drop as last time which is a vast improvement. I just wish I felt better on it. I still have mood swings, and the monthly hell is still hanging on. I get dreadful cramps which I never had before starting on T, and although the actual bleeding had lessened to more like breakthrough bleeding every two months, it now seems to have gone back to being every month. It's obviously still not quite the right dose yet. *sigh*
December 16, 2007: 2 years
I've now been on T for two years. It's quite amazing, the time really has flown by. In some respects, it doesn't feel like it's been two years at all and I think a lot of that has been down to the issues I've had with it. I've now been on the two weekly cycle for 6 months and I'm wondering if it's finally put an end to the monthly hell. Or bimonthly hell. It's so far not been seen since October, and I had some really major cramps in November but nothing else and they only lasted the one day which all seems promising.
As for everything else, the facial hair seems to be coming in steadily. I'm currently shaving every three days although after two days I can look a bit scruffy. I'm just not mentally ready to be shaving every other day. I suddenly noticed I had fuzz over my stomach which took me by surprise and currently I feel okay with it because it's only light at the moment althought I don't know if it will increase any. My chest is getting a bit hairy but only on the right side so far and there's not that much there yet either. My appetite is kind of up and down; I can get really hungry a few days after my shot and again a few days later on but be okay in between. My voice seems to be stabilising; it still cracks occasionally but I don't think it's dropping any more. I'm quite glad that it's not gone too low, although it can sound it sometimes! I think I'm slowly regaining my singing voice but it's really hard singing in a completely different key now. Obviously, it's still going to take a while yet, puberty can take a good 5 years or so.